In the depth of winter,
I finally learned
that within me there lay
an invincible summer.
― Albert Camus
Invincible summer, what a stunning concept! Oh my gosh, I have been sorely tested. I knew it was still there somewhere buried beneath my blankets, trusty heating pad and very careful recovery routine…my innermost light. That, and the unreasonably generous love of God and the universe.
It’s such a sweet revelation after 27 days, to begin to experience what it typically feels like to live in my own healthy body once again. To be a person who cares about other people again, who cares about actually anything other than just getting through the next hour.
So many metaphysical moments, like taking 10 minutes to sit down in the middle of grocery shopping because I’m just too tired to keep going. Then feeling refreshed to continue the mission—reminding me that I’m not in charge and that I can trust this process of life and recovery from Covid, just like I trust the great mystery.
Amen. hallelujah. Amen. I’m not in charge! What a wondrous way to connect with the true source of light that really is in charge, that’s bigger than you and me, that sits in wait, in anticipation at darkest time of the year.
I gathered pine boughs at dusk this evening to decorate the house with juicy red pomegranates and shiny red apples. I’ve got all kinds of special lights around the house and the fireplace glowing, so my adult children and their partners can bask in the abundance of solstice time.
The innermost light, to me, showed up today as the miracle of choosing to be “the gift instead of the case”. Watching my petty resentments disappear when I simply asked for help, and then made the audacious move to simply take awesome care of myself. This is because I have come to see that when I do take care of myself it generally benefits everyone around me. That’s a good reminder at this time of year, especially for women, and especially for mothers.
Wholeness: Serving, managing, and relishing. The hardest part is in the managing—yet it’s also where the rewards and the motion for relishing can be found.
Happy Solstice!
🔥❤️🔥