“I am the only one I can always count on to never abandon me in anyway ever again.”
I don’t know if it’s this empty nester time of life, or if I’m in the rest and satiation part of a long long long creative cycle, but my wholeness experiment just gets better and better.
Usually when we fall madly in love the object of our desire is a wonderful new beloved person. And no doubt that is a rich and thrilling time to behold, however the joy of my wholeness pilgrimage seems to offer some thing distinctly different.
Maybe you can see where I’m going here from the title of this essay. But it’s truly possible to fall madly in love with this wonderful new beloved that is you. This includes your inner child, your inner teenager and your adult self that is growing and evolving every day.
“Springy“ is the best word I can use to describe how this feels. This is not narcissistic self-worshiping, much the opposite actually. It’s a way of being so deeply on one’s own side, having one’s own literal back in such a way that we know we are indeed the only one we can always count on to never abandon us in anyway ever again.
This profound sense of having one’s own back makes everything in life work well. Friendships, relationships and family dynamics, when we are undeniably installed as the one who can validate our own needs and feelings, allows for so much room for unencumbered giving and receiving. Madly in love with yourself and holding your own back tenderly and firmly affords you a wonderful point where you can pivot and to say “no” when you must, and say “yes” when you mean it. We become a clear and loving vehicle of life.
In therapeutic-speak, all that messy and painful enmeshment and triangulation and codependency no longer has a place to take root in our lives because we have differentiated and achieved a sense of identity and this has made all the difference.
Perhaps this is part of the process for self-love – – doing the work of identity searching and committing through the clarification of our values, which will then out lay out our priorities, which then creates our experience. We always are guided by our priorities and our priorities define our direction in life. If you want to change your life, you simply have to change your priorities, and by extension evolve your values.
Finding myself single for the first time in many years, my friends asked me if I am interested in meeting someone new or dating. My immediate responses there’s just no room. I’m involved in a love affair right now that involves my higher power and myself and the wonder of what I have created in my life up until this point. I have worked for decades to achieve this sense of wholeness and fullness and joy and satisfaction that I now enjoy. It sounds selfish but I don’t want to share it with anyone right now. I just want to drink it up and steep in it like a lovely cup of tea.
It’s time to deepen these roots and steep in their magic and allow that wonderful transmission from the great mystery to move through me and envelop me and guide me.
Serving, managing and relishing that’s my formula, and I’m sticking to it.
So what’s the purpose of my telling you all about this? Well for one, unqualified permission to make yourself the true object of your own affection. If this speaks to you by all means please run with it and love yourself like you’ve never loved anyone or anything ever before. Honor every need, validate every feeling, and nourish and tenderly care for all of whatever speaks to you from your own heart.
No doubt this will involve layers of grief: because all growth work is ultimately grief work on some level: denial, anger, bargaining, depression or sadness, acceptance and meaning.
No need to be afraid the water is delightful, the experience immeasurably good. So here’s my invitation should you choose to accept it. Perhaps today is the day to fall madly in love with none other than you..
❤️